Today was the day. Time to fulfill an order that I’d known for a few days was coming. Goddess has ordered me to purchase a vial of lipstick. I’d only just learned hours ago however, that my task would be more difficult than I had first believed. I figured I was going to purchase some lipstick on Amazon, and that the humiliation would come from whatever I was to do with it. I had pictured that I’d be writing degrading things on my body with it.
But Goddess had a much different plan for me. The actual humiliation would be just the act of acquiring the makeup itself, at least for now. I had to go in person, to a physical retail location, to make the purchase in real life. I’d never done anything like this before, not even close. To this point, my kinky behaviour has d always been strictly online, the number one rule of my little double life. So far, I even purchased lubricant online, rather than risking being seen buying it irl.
I didn’t know what to expect. All I knew for sure was that I was scared. As minutes ticked by, a weight formed in my chest, stifling my breathing, as I pictured the 100 ways this would go wrong. The 1000 ways I’d be humiliated as I followed Her direction. I ended up wasting a hour, sitting in silence, thinking about what lay ahead.
It really felt like I couldn’t do this. It was taking it too far. I had to back out. I had to stop this, escape it. But these thoughts didn’t go unchallenged. Something inside of me insisted I had to do it. I had to obey. I keep thinking back to a message she had sent me earlier.
“Good boy! My boy!!”
That message melted me. I wanted to be Her boy. I wanted to obey. I wanted to experience all that She had planned for me, all that She wanted me to experience. If I failed to even try for Her, I could be giving everything up. If I really wanted to submit, it couldn’t be on my terms only. I couldn’t waste Her time like that. Eventually I decided, I had to make my move. I picked a store, and called an Uber.
The store I had chosen was a nearby Superstore on the 2nd floor of a shopping complex, because I knew they stocked makeup, and other feminine products, but neither of those was the primary good sold there. I had hoped this would mean I could get in and out, unnoticed, and that this would be an easy way to avoid as much of the challenge as possible.
Arriving at the store, my heart was beating out of my chest, and my stomach was twisted up. I could barely say thank you to the Uber driver, my farewell sounded more like a whimper than a word. I cringed at myself and got out. I knew if I paused or delayed, I was gonna lose my nerve, and it’d be game over, so I had to just move, as quick as I could.
Before entering, I noticed the Shoppers Drug Mart (another retail location that is known to sell makeup products). But I quickly had to put the idea out of my head, because I had previously noticed that there was always a security guard posted to the aisle, and an attendant in the makeup aisle. The thought of both of these people watching me select my colour and brand of lipstick sent a cold shudder down my back, and filled me with an insecurity, and a vulnerability that I couldn’t handle, so I averted my gaze and moved to the elevator.
My heart dropped when I entered the Superstore. It was as busy as I’d ever seen it. The elevator was crowded. The aisles were busy. Security patrolled throughout. And it felt like everyone of them knew the shameful nature of my visit. Like every real man, and beautiful girl in the store was secretly laughing at me as I passed, on my way to complete my act of public submission. It was a nightmare. This is when I most felt I couldn’t do complete the task I’d been ordered to. My breathing picked up in pace, and so I choose to browse the other aisles for a while, even though I’d been disallowed from buying anything else.
I considered my options. “Maybe she’ll let me back out? She’ll appreciate that I tried, but couldn’t do it, and let me off the hook”. And I really wanted to, every logical part of me was telling me to bail. But the thought of disappointing Her was worse. What if She decided I wasn’t the right fit, what if She decided I wasn’t worth Her time, what if She decided to end things. I could bear any humiliation not to lose my opportunity to submit to my new Goddess, so soon after having found Her.
So I headed to the makeup aisle. No one was browsing, but people were walking through the aisle on their way to other parts of the store. Not ideal, but “fuck it” I thought, “do or die”. I tried my best to look inconspicuous, only occasionally looking over to the side with the makeup, before returning to “browsing” the home decor items that lined the opposite shelf. But I couldn’t find red lipstick. I had to keep looking over, again and again, for longer and longer. I tried to stay aware of people entering the aisle, but it only made my humiliation worse each time I reacted a moment to late, and knew that the pretty girl that had just entered the aisle, had clearly seen my vision dart away from the makeup, to stare aimlessly at home goods until she left. My embarrassment spiked even more each time someone entered from the aisle behind me, and walked past me before I could notice them, to busy browsing the pretty, feminine colours. It felt like torture, all I wanted was to find the lipstick, grab anything at all, and run.
After 10 minutes of publicly humiliating myself, outing myself as not only a man looking for makeup, but also one who was so obviously ashamed of the fact, I realized why I was struggling. There was no lipstick on the shelf. Only along the bottom row, right against the floor, did I see the cardboard cutouts taking their place on the shelf, indicating they were out of stock. I basically fled the aisle.
For a moment, I felt a wash of relief. I even almost laughed I felt so comforted. “ I tried but there’s nothing I can do! So be it!” I thought. But this warm feeling of relief inside of me quickly turned cold and horrible, as I remembered.
The Shoppers Drug Mart…
For a moment, I considered ignoring it and leaving for home. My Goddess didn’t know about it, I could slink away and plead ignorance. But then what was the point of any of this? If I lied, I’d just be killing my own fantasy, and ruining the opportunity I’d be gifted, to serve and experience all that She wanted me to experience. If I was gonna start lying, I might as well just end things right then, because it wouldn’t be real anymore. There was no choice.
Despite it being my own decision to make, I felt like a victim as I entered the new store. Scared and wide eyed, I did my best to keep my head down, and go unnoticed.
I scoped out the makeup aisle from afar, and my worst fears were realized. Two people stood in the aisle. A man, in a security outfit, that looked kinda similar me, tall, dark hair, full beard. The major difference between us was that while I was sneaking around, like a timid, guilty boy, he was stood confidently and casually talking to the only other peon in the aisle. The makeup attendant. A cute, friendly-looking brunette, a few years younger than me, enjoying her conversation.
I had to back up. I felt like a trapped animal. I couldn’t go any further but I couldn’t run away. Again, I found myself walking through other aisles, browsing goods I had been forbidden to buy. My plan had been to walk through the aisle twice, once to spot my goal, and then again to quickly grab it and rush to the checkout. But that wouldn’t work any longer. So I made a new plan. I used the website to find a lipstick that satisfied the criteria set out for me (hot. red.), and that was in stock. I took a screenshot of my choice of makeup, and texted myself in such a way as to make it appear like my non-existent girlfriend had asked me to pick it up for her. Looking at my work, I felt almost overwhelmed by my own pathetic situation. Pretending to have a girlfriend, so that I could convince a pretty girl that the red lipstick I was buying, was not going to be used to humiliate me in private, in ways I didn’t even yet know. What if she saw through me, what if she assumed to know my real intentions…
As I approached the two in the aisle, my hands became clammy, and my face felt warm. I could tell I was blushing but figured they would just think I’d just stepped in from the cold outside. My heart battered my chest. A sense of fear came over me, as I approached my inevitable humiliation I thought. Nothing could feel scarier right now, or more daunting.
But as I spoke up, clutching my phone, fake text from my fake girlfriend on screen, the world didn’t end. To my great relief, the security guard excused himself away as I greeted the attendant. She was friendly, and welcoming. I couldn’t help but melt a little bit as she asked how she could help, with a friendly smile. I asked her to help me find an item, and showed her the screenshot. No questions, no mocking, no humiliation. She glanced briefly at my phone, and showed me to the correct spot. She picked up and handed my lipstick to me. I thanked her, she smiled, I walked away. I walked to the self checkout, and made my purchase unnoticed, taking the time to snap a picture for my Goddess. And I departed, without any issue. Easy. Simple. Nothing like the visions of the moment that had been taunting me for hours.
Getting outside, I felt amazing! All at once, feeling of relief, and happiness, and pride rushed over me. Despite all my fear and anxiety, it had all been fine. Maybe some people had noticed me at points in my shopping trip, but I didn’t care at all. I wouldn’t see them again, I could live with that very small embarrassment. And I’m exchange for my commitment, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Ironic that I felt proud of my submissive act of public humiliation, but I did. I faced my fears, I overcame my anxiety, and now I could report back to my Goddess that I’d done as she ordered. Now I could bask in the warmth of her satisfaction with me, Her good boy. As if celebrating some achievement, like an athlete scoring a goal in their sport, I did my little happy dance, laughed, and cheered quietly to myself. As opposed to the fear and anxiety ridden mess I’d been stepping into the store, I felt confident, excited, and collected on my way out. And so I made my way home, lipstick tucked in my pocket, both a trophy, and a physical, material reminder of my place.